Wouldn’t it be great if we could bypass those awkward months of dating and get straight down to the important questions: “Will you suck my toes?“, “How do you feel about pain?” , or perhaps “What do you like in aftercare?

This is the thought process I went through after a break-up – fed up of investing time into people who pretended to be compatible sexually, but weren’t. As someone who is mainly dominant in day-to-day life, there remains a longing to be submissive to the perfect play partner. And after too many failed relationships, I wanted to find the yin to my yang in the bedroom. 

However, finding a Dom using apps like of Bumble, Hinge and Tinder – unless someone explicitly states they are into BDSM in their bio – is virtually impossible.

That doesn’t mean there aren’t some great apps and websites out there that pair people together based on their sexual fantasies and fetishes, but you’ll have to work a bit harder to find them, which is where SEXTECHGUIDE comes in.

Fetlife

With the strapline “like Facebook, but run by kinksters”, this social network brings together people across the world who are kink-to-the-bone. Catering to more than 9.5 million users, the layout is extremely familiar and easy to navigate, though it’s more reminiscent of MySpace than Facebook. 

I discovered Fetlife when I was with a former Dom, and ended up connecting with other like-minded people, mainly women, who celebrate BDSM in a visually creative way. 

There’s a Fetlife Android app, but it’s not available through the Google Play Store.

Like Facebook, there are group pages that users can join depending on their kinks, as well as a profile page to personalise (again, similar to MySpace). These groups can act as a way for people to discuss their fetishes, find play partners or even write and share erotica fiction.

As a dating site, however, it wasn’t quite right for me, though my Dom uses it by putting advertisements up for sexual arrangements. While unsure of how much response he received, thanks to the tailoring of the groups, he could post the ad in multiple places tailored to the right audiences. 

There is also a paid aspect to the website. The ‘Kinky & Popular’ section, which is mostly for paying users, uses an algorithm to share the most popular pictures, videos and words over the past 24-hour period. This also wasn’t for me, but potentially perfect for people who like to use platforms such as OnlyFans

FetLife works on browser, but an AFK file can be downloaded for Android users to use in-app.

GFet

This mobile app was a recommendation from a girlfriend who is also into BDSM. Founded in 2017, it was originally set up for gay men into kink, describing itself as the Tinder for gay men. 

However, today it’s more focused on kink and fetishes than sexuality. For those who are into the ‘fet alternative lifestyle’, this app is a private community for all genders and can even suit couple play.

GFet has a 4.9-star rating on the Google Play Store

In design, it is very similar to Tinder and, like Fetlife, is easy to navigate. Users can browse profiles anonymously, ‘Like’ someone they feel has similar interests to them, and chat when they both match. It also has a ‘Moments’ section where compatible people are presented to you.. 

Users can upload photos and videos and have to request to see other people’s, meaning there are no unwanted eyes on the content you choose to share. 

GFet also has in-app purchases, which is used, ranging from $11.99 – $39.99 per item. I opted for the $39.99 which was an annual subscription to access all the features. 

Did it work for me? I found my last Dom on there, so yes, the app delivered for me. I found a Dom/Sub arrangement on GFet that lasted four months, so it’s definitely not to be sniffed at. I would advise though, as with any dating site – fetish or not – that you be mindful that people do not always tell the truth and are not pure with their intentions.

The app’s guidelines read: “Please note that our app doesn’t accept any objectionable content, such as nudity, pornography, and profanity”, so unsolicited dick pics are a no-no. 

There were some questionables on there that made me wonder how safe the app was – people that didn’t seem entirely into the respectful boundaries within the BDSM communities and just wanted a hook up.

GFet is available to download on the App Store and the Google Play Store.

Whiplr

Self-billed as “the place to meet kinky playmates”, this BDSM chat, dating and kinkster community launched back in 2015.

It offers a wide range of features, including location-based search, bringing kink-lovers to your attention in the local area rather than 100 miles away. As for its plentiful photo and video content, the app describes itself as a ‘kinky Instagram’. 

Whiplr app, shown on an iPhone.
Whiplr

Whiplr also has an Elite feature that is full of ‘leaders and trendsetters’ in the BDSM, fetish and kink world. Kink-fluencers include professional Dommes, educations, artists, lifestyles and models, who work as part of the Whiplr community to educate, moderate and promote BDSM-related causes and events. 

The great thing about Whiplr is its diversity, whether you’re someone curious about the movement or someone who lives the lifestyle 24 hours a day, seven days a week, there’s something for everything. Catering to more than 1.2 million registered users and facilitating around 50,000 video calls a day, it’s clearly a winner with everyone. 

Another interesting and, arguably, important feature is the ability to allow users to delete posts sent to their recipients in the chat app. For the snap-happy, users can upload up to 100 photos in the Shots app. Whiplr also has a group chat feature, with verification measures in place to increase user reliability and limit swipes. 

Whiplr is available on the App Store and can be downloaded on Android using an APK file.

Fantasy Match

A dating app for “ethical, open and polyamous relationships,” Fantasy Match – like its competitor Whiplr – is about education as well as dating. It has a gamification aspect to it where people can play decks of cards to practice ‘mindful sex’.

Once you have matched with another user, you create a room and choose a card to discuss. You can also open a card deck in the app’s chat room and invite anyone outside the app to start a conversation via a direct link, so you’re not limiting yourself only to app users. 

Fantasy Match is a card-based app making way for more open conversations around sex and wellbeing

Users can ‘learn’, ‘play’ and ‘flirt’ using the deck of cards, which cover topics such as sexual culture, sexual fantasies, relationship tips and more. Each piece of content is curated by experts and prioritises your relationship with yourself, sexual consent and mindful intimacy. Some card decks are free and some are paid.

Interestingly, its content is female-focused which the company believes can help “close the pleasure gap”, with a content focus on its ‘mindful guidelines’ to protect users while allowing them to explore their sexual preferences. 

The app is free and available on iOS. It does offer additional decks and a club membership subscription for those who want a little more—priced at $5.49 a week or $34.99 for one year (on the App Store). Membership privileges include a higher swiping limit per day, an unlimited number of Rooms and more.

However, if you’re looking to hook up with a play partner quickly, this might not be the app for you. But anyone involved within the BDSM community will argue that establishing trust is paramount before embarking on an arrangement with someone and Fantasy Match could be the best way to identify someone who you’re compatible with. 

Fantasy Match is available to download on the App Store. At the time of writing, it’s not available for Android devices.

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