Bullet vibrators are deceptively simple, and yet surprisingly easy to get wrong. After eight years of doing this job and hundreds of toys reviewed, there are literally two bullet vibrators I reach for regularly: namely the Blush Nocturnal Bullet (which is, admittedly getting a little old now, having been released way back in 2018) and the We-Vibe Tango X.
Between weak and buzzy motors, poor control interfaces, and the fact that there are simply so many competing products on the market, it’s pretty hard for a bullet vibrator to make a serious impact on me these days. Most of them are highly forgettable.
One thing I don’t see super often, though, is an app-controlled bullet vibrator. And that’s what the Tracy’s Dog Surreal brings to the table.
Tracy’s Dog Surreal review: Design & technology
The Tracy’s Dog Surreal is a lipstick-style clitoral vibrator made of bright red silicone with a single button on one side. At just 3.5″ in total length and just under 200g in weight, it’s a petite and discreet little thing.
It has a broad base which allows it to stand up as well as making it easy and comfortable to hold, and a plastic cover that slips over the top for storage and keeping it clean from dust.
Aesthetically, it’s fine if quite generic. The lipstick design is relatively cute, and I like the vibrant red colour. Some reviewers have claimed that you can’t even tell it’s a sex toy, which I don’t think is true. Anyone glancing at it for more than a second will realise it’s not actually a lipstick.
The Surreal also arrived attractively packaged in a sturdy box that could be reused to store the toy if you so wish. For a budget-friendly toy range, Tracy’s Dog does presentation well.
The Surreal is completely submersible, meaning you can use it in the bath or shower if you like (though your phone probably isn’t, so you might not want to use the app functions in the bath!)
It is also USB rechargeable via the included cable. A full charge of the Surreal takes 2 hours and gives you around 75 minutes of battery life.
Tracy’s Dog Surreal review: Performance in use
The Surreal has a short and broad rounded shaft, with a tapered tip and one flat edge. I really like this design, as it allows for different kinds of stimulation with the same toy. You can get broad stimulation with the wide shaft of the toy, pinpoint precision with the tip, and something in between with the flat edge.
One surprising thing about the Surreal is that it’s a bit flexible! Bullet vibrators, particularly lipstick-style bullets like … , are usually rigid so this was an unusual touch that I quite enjoyed. This allows for some different angles and positions while in use.
The Surreal’s motor, however, is incredibly lacklustre. It offers only middling power and is very buzzy.
Despite my best efforts, I quickly realised there was zero possibility of this toy giving me an orgasm. A strong and rumbly motor is literally the one thing I want in a bullet vibrator, and the Surreal fails to deliver on that. The silicone also dampens the vibrations significantly.
One positive thing I can say about the Tracy’s Dog Surreal vibrator is that it’s super-quiet. If discretion in use is the most important factor to you, this toy is a good choice.
User experience and app controls
Though the Surreal is an app-controlled toy, Tracy’s Dog does not actually appear to have its own app.
Instead, the Surreal operates through a third-party app with the somewhat bizarre name of “Monster Party” (I guess baffling names are a theme with this company). This can be found on the iOS App Store and Android’s Google Play Store.
Aside from the awful motor I’ve already complained about, this is where the problems really started.
If you are looking for an app-controlled toy, do not waste your time or money on this one. I was first concerned when I saw that the app currently has less than two stars out of five in the Google Play Store, but I tried to keep an open mind anyway.
Lo and behold, no matter what I did, I could not get the toy to connect to the app.
I tried several times, I tried switching it off and back on again, and I even tried deleting and re-downloading the app. Absolutely nothing worked.
Considering that the app control is one of the major selling points of this product, this is very poor, and tips this toy from “I don’t love it” to “I actively hate it” for me.
Other reviewers have said positive things about this app’s connectivity, so it’s possible I simply received a bad unit. However, given the app’s terrible overall rating, it seems to be a common problem.
Another thing worth pointing out is that the app does not have long-distance functionality as part of its core features, meaning that if you want to hand over control of your toy to a partner over the internet you will need to pay extra for this feature.
In terms of manual control, the Surreal has a one-button interface, which is a common sex toy design choice and one I consider to be a fundamental flaw. This toy has ten settings so whenever you want to go back one, you have to scroll through all of them.
The button also isn’t always that responsive, meaning that I occasionally have to press it twice to get the setting to change. This means it’s not particularly well-suited to anyone with finger/hand mobility issues, either.
Tracy’s Dog Surreal review: Overall verdict
Sadly, Tracy’s Dog Surreal was a real letdown in virtually every way that matters.
Though I like the basic design and I think the lipstick shape and unexpected flexibility are excellent, the buzzy motor and the terrible app connectivity make this one a miss for me.
I can only really recommend it to people who are looking for a gentle bullet vibrator and do not need it to come with any additional features.
If you’re looking for a better lipstick vibrator, there are numerous other options on the market that I would recommend far above this one. The We-Vibe Tango X is the rumbliest bullet vibrator currently on the market in my experience, the Lovense Exomoon is a fantastic long-distance option with vastly superior app controls, and Lovehoney’s Sweet Kiss is a budget-friendly pick.
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