Apple thinks a game that simulates female orgasm is too ‘crude’ for you


Apple hates porn. We get it. That’s fine.

We don’t judge here – if you’re going to look for Android porn apps, we may as well point you towards ones that aren’t riddled with malware [NSFW link] – but Apple does seem to want to exercise a little more ‘moral’ oversight.

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In pursuit of all things puritanical, it’s removed a game from the iOS App Store for being “excessively objectionable or crude” that was a long, long way from ‘porn’, according to The Guardian.

La Petit Mort is designed by a Danish game design firm called the Lovable Hat Cult and the aim of it – to cut to the point – is to successfully stimulate a highly pixelated vulva by gently caressing the screen of your iPhone.

It’s pretty damn smart too – each of the cells in the image are programmed using a “cellular automata” algorithm that allows them to simulate a response to touch. If you’re successful in stimulating one area, neighboring ones respond favorably too. Keep going and you’ll get to the climax.

La Petit Mort means ‘the brief loss or weakening of consciousness – and is now used to refer to orgasm more commonly.

A taboo subject?

That sounds OK, right? Female orgasm shouldn’t be a taboo subject that adults interested in playing such a game should be denied access to?

Apple seemingly thinks otherwise, though the developers themselves say that it can get “quite sensual and erotic” as an experience.

This is mostly because the primary way to reach orgasm is determined by the speed and direction of your movements on the screen.

Lovable Hat Cult insist that it’s not intended to be educational, despite it featuring different vulvas that respond in different ways… a bit like real life. Intended learning aid or not, it’d probably help a few people out – or perhaps someone exploring the idea of masturbation for the first time.

Fittingly, during beta testing, the company found that the players often got to a point where they didn’t know what to do next – so more explicit (not in that way) instructions had to be included at points.

Sadly, Apple doesn’t think you’re quite ready to explore that part of female sexuality just yet.

You can, however, download it on Google Play.

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