The i.Con ‘smart condom’ isn’t a condom at all

Online retailer British Condoms has announced the i.Con, which it describes as “the world’s first smart condom”.

Hold up though, as it isn’t a condom at all. It’s a reusable ring designed to sit around the base of condoms that has a nano-chip and various sensors to track any sex-related variable you (n)ever wanted to know.

Like many other wearables, the device aims to measure some of the more mundane aspects of the human experience, like calories burnt or average skin temperature. But did you ever wonder about the average velocity of your partner’s thrusts?  Perhaps you want to know your total number of thrusts per session so that you can beat your old records or ‘compete’ against your friends? Girth measurement?

All of these variables, and more, are recorded by the device and can be downloaded to the Bluetooth-connected i.Con app.  You can share your stats anonymously to see how you compare to other i.Con users around the planet, or, as the company suggests, share your most recent stats with friends. That would depend on just how good those friendships are though.

The battery life of the i.Con is said to be around 6-8 hours and it takes about an hour to charge via micro USB. The device uses a band adjustment feature, making it suitable for all sizes.

Although the i.Con site doesn’t share any images of the device, it’s hard to imagine how this much tech will be squeezed into what is essentially a pimped up cock ring.  If recent sexual performance trackers like Lovely are anything to go by, you’d have to be pretty distracted not to notice a vibrating silicon ring strapped to your Johnson. But, unlike the Lovely, the i.Con doesn’t vibrate so it may well live up to its claims of discretion.

There’s no set release date (some time in 2017) or details of what the ring will be made of (and, therefore, how you might go about cleaning it). Also, some features, such as recording the use of different positions, are still being beta tested, the company says.

When it does finally arrive, it’s set to retail at just under £60.