The anthem by Daft Punk “harder, better, faster, stronger” often captures the expectations placed on individuals with penises in sexual performance. This is undoubtedly influenced by mainstream porn, but what about those who want to last longer in bed?
Premature Ejaculation (PE) is one of the most common forms of sexual dysfunction for people with penises. It is defined by the World Health Organisation as “ejaculation that occurs before, or within a very short duration after, starting vaginal penetration or other similar sexual stimulation.”
It’s no secret that premature ejaculation affects 1 in 3 men worldwide, often leading to anxiety, depression, and relationship problems. These issues can be made worse if not addressed properly. Fortunately, there are various techniques and solutions available to help men overcome this challenge.
One popular approach is the use of desensitizing sprays or creams, which improve symptoms in around 80% of men with premature ejaculation. Additionally, sex toys and other sexual aids can help prolong sexual activity and delay ejaculation. For those whose premature ejaculation is rooted in psychological factors, counselling and therapy can be effective treatment options.
What causes premature ejaculation?
Anyone can encounter it at any stage of their life, and it can be either context-dependent or generalized. But keep in mind, the severity varies from person to person, and it’s often gauged by how quickly ejaculation happens.
Causes of PE vary from biological to psychological. For example, abnormal hormonal levels, genetics, stress and anxiety, relationship problems, and some people with erectile dysfunction (ED) have taught themselves to ejaculate earlier before losing their erection. While every experience is a personal one, there are often shared additional symptoms of distress for them and sometimes their partners.
Tackling PE from every angle can help break down the stigma and alleviate the stress associated with it. Let’s dive into some sexual techniques and sex tech solutions that could boost your erectile confidence, and put you in control of your ejaculation.
Treatments for premature ejaculation: Mindfulness, education & meditation tips
Premature ejaculation (PE) might have physical causes, but it’s often more connected to emotions like shame, anxiety, and a lack of positive sex education. Unlearning pre-conditioned behaviors is also a factor. That’s why it’s essential to explore both the psychological and physiological aspects of this experience.
Understanding our own bodies can be a game-changer in managing PE. Let’s dive into some helpful techniques and sex tech solutions:
Learn your own anatomy
While we may have learned basic genital anatomy in biology class or sex education class (if we were lucky), there’s so much more to the penis than meets the eye. Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist Dr. Susie Gronski explains that the importance of learning this on a cognitive level, allows us to have much more awareness and control over how the penis works.
Inside the shaft of the penis, you have the corpus spongiosum and the corpus cavernosum which are made of erectile tissue that fills with blood, and the dorsal nerve made up of neurovascular structures, nerves, and blood vessels that run along the shaft to the glans (the head) of the penis.
The muscles of the pelvic floor wrap around two-thirds up the shaft of the penis called the bulbospongiosus muscle.
During an erection the muscles tense up, however, relaxation is also needed to allow for more blood to fill the penis. During ejaculation, the muscles are designed to squeeze and release to help pump the semen out of the body, so when it comes to PE, it’s good to learn how to ease off when those muscles feel like they are becoming too tight too soon.
Pro Tip: Get to learn your anatomy!
Eliminate shame (& build confidence)
Shame is something that we are taught from a young age. To feel shame is to feel guilty, and like we aren’t good enough, performing well enough, lasting long enough. This anxiety can play a huge part in causing premature ejaculation – creating a vicious cycle.
In reality, 30 percent of penis owners experience PE, and some research indicates that up to 75 percent will experience PE at some point in their lives, whether acutely or chronically. If more people knew this, perhaps much of the shame and isolation could be reduced.
The Archives of Sexual Behaviour found that up to 60 percent of cis men wish to prolong latency to orgasm, with premature ejaculation being one of the most common complaints from men and couples seeking sex therapy with the goal of improving their sex life.
Unfortunately, approximately 80 percent of people who do experience it do not seek professional help because of the shame and stigma, even though speaking with a professional is known to have a positive impact on people’s experience of PE.
With shyness and uncertainty comes a lack of confidence and people who experience PE may be less likely to seek out sexual relationships. Building up confidence in one’s self and one’s body, can help to dispel the distress.
Pro Tip: Ejaculatory control is a sexual skill that can be harnessed!
Reframe language around sex
By framing PE as a “premature” and a “dysfunction”, we immediately attach negative connotations to it and overlook any positives—such as the decentralizing of one type of sex and focusing on other types of pleasure.
Compared to cis men, cis women in heterosexual partnerships feel like PE is less of a problem. This makes sense because when we look at the rate of orgasm for these women in heterosexual relationships, it is the lowest percentile, at 65 percent compared to the 95 percent of men who orgasm often or always. This “orgasm gap” is often put down to the fact that only 20 percent of women can orgasm from penetrative sex without additional clitoral stimulation.
In one study, penetrative penis in vagina (PiV) sex ranged from 33 seconds up to 44 minutes. While many may believe that “longer is better”, the Journal of Sexual Medicine discovered people’s preferences varied, concluding that:
- 1–2 minutes was judged “too short,”
- 10–30 minutes was deemed “too long,”
- 3–7 minutes was rated “adequate,”
- 7–13 minutes “desirable.”
When it comes to the “type of sex” you’re having, reframing language around what “sex” means to you can shift the whole experience.
The often overlooked benefit of PE is that it offers people a chance to explore sex from a queer perspective — one that challenges the heteronormative framework of what sex is often understood as: limited foreplay and PiV sex that ends when the guy ejaculates. Other types of sexual interactions could include reframing foreplay as the main event, including elements such as sensual massage, penis massage, anal massage, or even kinky play.
During ejaculation, a cocktail of hormones is released, including the hormone prolactin, which some experts suggest helps mediate the refractory period and may cause fatigue. What many people aren’t aware of is that you can learn how to have orgasms, even multiple, without ejaculation. This is because these are two separate functions that often occur synchronously.
Furthermore, some sex professionals find it useful to shift the language from “premature” to using terms such as “early” or “rapid” to offer up either an empowering sex-positive or a more neutral de-pathologized approach.
Pro Tip: Let go of beliefs that don’t serve you anymore!
Physical Solutions
As you begin to make psychological adjustments, it can be helpful to complement these efforts with physical training and support. There’s an array of methods and tools available, so it’s all about finding what works best for you! Keep in mind, there’s no “one-size-fits-all” solution, so be open to experimenting with various techniques consistently.
Before diving into these methods, it’s essential to understand that everyone’s experience with premature ejaculation is unique. What works for one person may not necessarily be effective for another. Therefore, patience and persistence are vital while exploring different techniques to find the one that suits you the best.
Stop-start method
This method works by building up stimulation through self-touch – also commonly known as the practice of edging. Imagining there is a scale of 0-10, 0 being no stimulation at all, 10 being the climax. Ideally, you would work on building up through each number and relaxing back down the scale. For example, going up to a 5, then down to a 2, up to an 8 then down to a 5, and repeating this as often as desired for a period of time until you have built up a sense of control.
To reduce the level of arousal, relax the whole body and take a deep breath into the belly to temporarily shut down the automatic ejaculatory reflex.
Pros: Some of the benefits of this approach include helping you become familiar with the edge of orgasm and building confidence in ejaculation control.
Cons: On the other hand, this method often works best in tandem with psychological support and takes time and practice to master.
Squeeze technique: Delay ejaculation naturally
Similar to the Stop-Start method, you’ll want to stimulate the penis until just before “the point of no return”, and when there, simply put pressure on the head of the penis. Specifically, place the thumb over the top of the shaft and the forefinger over the frenulum for 30 seconds, or until the intense arousal has subsided, and then repeat. 12 weeks of regular training has been suggested.
Pros: Helps to build up stamina and control, and this simple technique doesn’t require any additional tools.
Cons: Takes time and practice, and not ideal to be used in a partnered situation.
Kegel exercises for improved control
This method works by gradually strengthening the pelvic floor muscles with a whole host of benefits including continence control, stronger climax, and ejaculation control. What is often mistaken about kegel exercises is that it’s all about the contractions. However, Dr. Gronski highlights that there needs to be equal focus on the relaxation of the muscles.
Kegel exercises can improve pelvic floor muscle strength and help with premature ejaculation.
Reverse Kegels are essentially the release and gentle pushing down of the pelvic floor—essential for slowing down the experience of climax.
Pros: Better control over bodily functions and found to increase the time until ejaculation from 30 seconds to two minutes on average.
Cons: Takes time and daily practice, and not a one-size fits all solution.
Training apps
There’s an app for everything these days, including PE! Stamena is designed to help you last longer in bed with “two simple exercises”, and PEA is a free training tool that offers three steps, and the NHS has developed Squeezy Men which has “helpful visual and audio prompts to support your exercise program”.
Pros: Easy to use and guided exercises can be useful.
Cons: May cost money / in-app purchases, take time and daily practice, and really designed to use alongside psychological support.
Medication (SSRIs)
Often SSRIs are prescribed to people who are struggling with PE. This works by increasing the levels of serotonin in the brain and body, which reduces the flow of nitric oxide to parts of the body including the genitals, slowing down the risk of early ejaculation.
Pros: Considered somewhat effective.
Cons: Needs doctor supervision and may have side effects such as erectile dysfunction or reduced desire.
Delaying creams / Desensitizing sprays
By numbing the area, the penis may not get as excited as quickly, delaying the processes of arousal and climax. While some have been said to cause transference to the partner’s genitals, Pelay claims that its water-based gel does not and can last up to 45 minutes.
Pros: Pelay claims it extends penetrative sex from two mins to 19 mins, and is effective within a few minutes of application.
Cons: Decreased sensation can mean decreased pleasure, and some may cause numbing of the partner’s sensations.
Sextech products for PE
Training sleeves
Sex tech solutions such as the training sleeve MyHixel are designed to develop your skills in ejaculation control. This device costs $269.99 and comes with a personalized app and a free online appointment with one of its specialized sexologists.
Pros: Found to help people last 7x longer in bed and provides a long-lasting solution.
Cons: Expensive.
Cock rings
Restricting blood flow to be held inside the penis shaft can support the strength and stamina of the erection. Additionally, ball rings help to keep the testicles away from the body, prohibiting the tightening of the pelvic floor muscles needed for ejaculation. However, avoid vibrating cock rings as they might be too stimulating.
Pros: Anecdotal evidence says it can work.
Cons: This study says cock rings are not effective for PE and they can be dangerous if the wrong size is used, not to be worn for longer than 30 mins.
Wearable tech
Another sex tech venture that is designed to support people with PE is Mor by Morari Medical. This is a Bluetooth-connected disposable wearable patch that is set to launch in 2023 that uses neuromodulation to disrupt nerve signals. By slowing down the nerve transmission it is able to delay ejaculation.
Pros: Can be controlled by a partner, untested efficacy.
Cons: Cost unknown, not yet released.
Strap-ons & vibrators
Alternative forms of pleasure can come in the form of incorporating sex toys, such as strap-on dildos and vibrators to continue sexual play without the need for a hard penis. There are also hollow strap-ons where the penis can be inserted into the dildo to maintain rigidity even if you ejaculate inside it.
Pros: Longer pleasure for the partner.
Cons: Less physical pleasure for the wearer.
Wrapping up
Whether you struggle with early ejaculation, or simply you want to last longer in bed, there are a variety of solutions at your fingertips. Most importantly though, is eliminating the stigma and shame around penis performance, and focusing more on what pleasure can be experienced with the body you have, whether that’s through using these sexual techniques or sex technologies.
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