‘Warm your loneliness’: You want a polar bear soft toy with a retractable heated, vibrating, thrusting vibrator penis, right?
A series of soft toy animals featuring retractable, thrusting and heated dildo-penises has been released, and they’re making us contemplate where the line between playful fun and fever dream really lies these days.
The large, huggable products have been given the catchy name Automatic Thrusting Vibrating Swing Machine Female Masturbation Device, and are on sale for $489 on the Lurevibe site. Dog, polar bear and fox versions are available, but we reckon the latter looks more like a squirrel.
Each of the critters features a pink, veiny dildo that emerges from its genital area when switched on, revealing itself like a canine lipstick penis entering ‘hump’ mode. The dildo is 13 centimeters long, 36 millimeters wide, and can heat up on demand. It has three thrusting intensity settings, controlled by a supplied remote controller.
The animalistic sex toys are pretty damn big, being 78 centimeters in length in total and 26 centimeters high. The dog version weighs 4.4 kilograms, while the polar bear and fox versions weigh 3.4 kilograms.
Considering these dimensions, you may well be wondering: once I’ve bought the soft toy animal that can penetrate me with its retractable knob, how do I keep it hidden from narrow-minded people who might think that having sex with toy animals isn’t wholesome?
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Handily, they come wearing large pants covering their dildo/groin area, so when the dildo is retracted the critters just look like big toy animals, with no hint of them having turbo-charged genitals.
The device is being marketed with slogans such as “Warm your loneliness” and “No hand-holding, just relax”.
The open source sex toy software site Buttplug.io is reportedly working on adding bluetooth connectivity for the critter range to its library, and a video of the polar bear version has been viewed tens of millions of times on X.
Let’s not link these things up with any AI partners or Furby software quite yet though, please.
