MysteryVibe Crescendo review: Big on innovation, low on power

MysteryVibe bills its Crescendo toy as “the world’s most advanced vibrator”, and while the company formally formed in 2014, it wasn’t until late 2016 that MysteryVibe hit upon the current design for its first product – before that, it launched an early version on the crowdfunding platform Born and iterated from there.

Crescendo is currently the only product this company makes, though we’ve already confirmed that there’s a toy for men in the works.

MysteryVibe Crescendo Hardware

The Crescendo is a bendable, 6-motor vibrator, designed to be adaptable to anyone’s preferences, regardless of gender, sexuality or body type.  It is 8.5” long, with a circumference of 3” at narrowest point and 4” at widest point. It is not round like a traditional dildo, but long and flat with two small flaps sticking up at the wider end. Weighing in at just 160g, it’s fairly lightweight. It is rechargeable and comes with a charging base, which plugs in to the wall or a computer via USB.

The Crescendo is operated via an app (more on that later) or via four buttons, two on each side of the toy. The up and down arrow buttons change the intensity of the vibrations, while the plus and minus arrows switch between the various patterns. It is also a quiet toy, making it a safe choice for people with all but the thinnest of walls.

The Crescendo is available in attractive purple or turquoise colours and is delivered in a sleek, stylish box. It also comes with its own padded storage pouch, complete with separate sections for the charging base and cable.

The Crescendo currently retails for $179/£139/€159. If you buy two directly from the MysteryVibe site, you get a 30% discount too.

MysteryVibe Crescendo Body-safety & Cleaning

The exterior of the Crescendo is made entirely from premium-grade silicone. This means it is non-porous, non-toxic, free of phthalates and latex, and completely body-safe.

It’s also waterproof, which means it can be used in the bath or shower, and that it’s also really easy to clean by submerging in warm water and washing with a gentle soap. For a quick clean-up, you can wipe it clean with a body-safe sterile wipe (I recommend the kind that are sold in bulk by medical suppliers). Unfortunately, the wider end does have the mother of all seams, which could harbour germs and bacteria, so taking extra care in this area is essential.

MysteryVibe Crescendo Genuine Innovation, Endless Possibilities

If you’ve skipped straight to this part you need to know one key thing: this toy bends. Six inches of the shaft (everywhere apart from the bit with the little flaps sticking up) is fitted with bendable internal joints. This means you can shape it however you like prior to use, or even mid-session. I had the pleasure of meeting a member of the MysteryVibe team at Eroticon this year, and he told me that the company has already heard from hundreds of people about all the different ways they use their Crescendo.

To give just a few ideas, you could:

You will likely have hundreds of ideas of your own and it encourages you to experiment all you like. If you don’t know exactly what kinds of stimulation you like, or are just in the mood to try something new, the Crescendo is a product that is truly designed for experimentation.

We all know that sex toy companies like to claim they’re doing something “totally new and innovative,” often despite the fact that another company did the same thing ten years ago, and did it better. However, MysteryVibe’s claim to originality holds up. There has never before been a working bendable vibrator. For sheer inventiveness, at least, this product is to be commended.

MysteryVibe Crescendo Review: MysteryApp

There is also an app, known as MysteryApp, available on iPhone and Android (versions 6.0 and above). You connect the app to your Crescendo via Bluetooth, and this enables you to take control of the toy’s vibrations via your phone. In the app, you can find and save your favourite vibration patterns, download countless new ones for free, and even create your own.

I have seen a lot of badly-designed, user-unfriendly sex toy apps in my time. This one, thankfully, is a breeze. The app functionality and the options it affords are really the greatest thing about the Crescendo, in my experience. I found the controls on the body of the toy counter-intuitive and difficult to use. For this reason, I do not recommend this toy to anyone who does not own a smartphone with the appropriate functionality or don’t want to use a toy via an app.

Currently, MysteryApp and Crescendo work together over the 30m or so range of Bluetooth. This makes it a poor choice for long-distance lovers looking for remote control toys at this time. However, MysteryVibe has promised that an update is forthcoming that will enable the app to control the toy from anywhere via an internet connection.

MysteryVibe Crescendo Review: Six motors? Six motors!

I was really excited when I read that the Crescendo sported six motors along the shaft. The most I have ever encountered in a single toy previously is three. Long-time readers of my reviews will know that I identify proudly as a Power Queen. I like my vibrations hard, strong and rumbly.

“Six motors?!” I thought. “This thing is going to keep even the most hardcore of Power Queens satisfied!” Sadly, in this regard the Crescendo did not live up to expectations.

Despite the number of motors, the Crescendo’s vibrations are disappointingly weak. They are also surface-level and buzzy. At the lower levels, I simply cannot feel them at all during use, and even at the higher levels they register as more annoying than pleasurable.

Though there are people who enjoy gentler vibrations, of course – but as a toy reviewer and adult product expert, the complaint I hear the most often about vibrating toys is that they simply aren’t powerful enough. With all the technology and development that went into creating the Crescendo, I wish some of that research and know-how had gone into finding motors worthy of such a creative product.

MysteryVibe Crescendo Review: Recommended?

Yes… and no.

The Crescendo is a wonderful piece of genuinely innovative technology and represents the kind of inventiveness that the adult industry is so often lacking. Unfortunately, the weakness of the vibrations really killed not only my orgasm but also my burgeoning enthusiasm for this toy. Nonetheless, if you’re not a Power Queen, it’s an undeniably versatile vibrator.